If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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