I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
