I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
