drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
