you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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