I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Never joke about your clitoris.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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