Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
