The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
