and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
