just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
