So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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