when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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