we have pet lesbian snakes
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
