please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
