So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
