Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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