Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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