I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Shame is for Republicans.
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