Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
