My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
