i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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