So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
