I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The power of my boobs compel you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
