he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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