Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
