I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
