The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
