Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i now understand why vodka
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
