Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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