i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The beer is more important than you right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
