before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Do vagina's smell?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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