I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
