You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
