you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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