Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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