Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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