yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
