One girl and one boy is just not enough.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
