she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
