Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
