Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
