Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
