I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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