I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
