the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
