My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
