I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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