I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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