We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
