He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my sisters under your porch take her home
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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