pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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