you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
