Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
