Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
