You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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