I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
