It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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