I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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