I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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