If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize