Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
