I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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