dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
