He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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