Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
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