Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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