Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
