You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize