my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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