I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
