Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
