i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
