so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
