life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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