last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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