I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just want nice things and good sex
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
