I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So many bounce houses so little time
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
