Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
