Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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