Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
