everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
