Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I touched a dick in church today
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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