i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Pants are for mortals
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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