My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
