Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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