how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
