I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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