WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
being pregnant is like rehab
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
