Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
